When you realize you are old…

I’ve written before about aging and my  middle “child” accusing me of wanting to look old. No, I don’t want to look old. I just want to look like the me who is me. I am no longer 25. I am no longer blonde. I actually like my glittery natural highlights. And quite frankly, to be honest, I no longer have the same body I had when I was young.

My current body is a true reflection of what age does…it breaks, or just breaks down. I have done both. When I broke my foot (the first time), I was only 48. But I broke it in a bunch of pieces that just didn’t want to heal. Then I broke it again. Enter the hardware to hold it together. Somehow, at 48 and 49, I didn’t bounce up or back like I might have when I was younger. But I tried.

A few years later, it was the ankle’s turn. Quite literally. Same limb, different joint. New boot. And now a SCOOTER! Woo hoo! The grandkids loved it. Nana had wheels!

I didn’t quite bounce back fully from that either. My gait changed because of the time spent walking in the boot and trying to avoid pain or falling. I didn’t seem to be able to shake the fear that I was going to fall again. And I seemed to find ways to fall again, without suffering new fractures. Yippee for me!

My current task is dealing with the arthritic back and a few big words that describe what is causing me so much pain when I walk.

Which brings me back to my purpose in writing this post in the first place. I know I am getting old. My body confirms it every. single. day. BUT in my heart, I feel like I am still 25…still learning and growing and becoming who I really am. Even though I have a body that betrays me, that part of me that makes me ME is still excited to learn and grow and become.

Are you just aging? Or are you pressing on toward the prize?

Philippians 3:12-14 (J.B. Phillips)

Yet, my brothers, I do not consider myself to have “arrived”, spiritually,
nor do I consider myself already perfect. But I keep going on,
grasping ever more firmly that purpose for which Christ grasped me.
My brothers, I do not consider myself to have fully grasped it even now.
But I do concentrate on this: I leave the past behind
and with hands outstretched to whatever lies ahead I go straight for the goal—
my reward the honour of being called by God in Christ.

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