It is a little bit scary being willing to let God do with your children (and grandchildren) what He thinks best. Not because I don’t think God will do a good job with them, but…let’s just be honest…I would really like things done my way.
My kids will say that is no surprise…from how the dishes are loaded into the dishwasher to the proper way to fold my husband’s undershirts, there is the right way to do it–and that is how I do it. Yes, I know how terrible it sounds, but I do have good reasons for the way I do things–loading dishes a certain way assures they 1) will be clean, and 2) more will fit in the machine. Folding my laundry the way I do it allows me to have essentially wrinkle free towels, sheets, socks, jeans…as well as the blouses and other things that people notice. Ok, I know how this sounds…and it is all true. At least I don’t go so far as to iron underwear. I’m not crazy, you know!
But back to my relinquishing control of the most important people in the world besides Superman…I confess I am not Hannah…to be willing to give that only child back to the Lord. Wow. Hannah is my inspiration straight from scripture. One of my children had a lot of serious health problems for many years and I remember arguing with the Lord about her illness…hadn’t we already “given” enough? Kind of like “I gave at the office”…we went to ECUADOR, Lord…a third world country…you know, JUNGLE? We gave up fertility…how much do we have to give up before it’s enough?
Then I remember finding out that two of my children had pretty major learning disabilities and that traditional education might not work well for them and their future was less certain. (They did fine, after all.) I honestly remember crying out to the Lord as I drove my car to my parents’ house to give them the news and seek their comfort. I was bawling in the car, crying out to the Lord. At one point, I said to Him, “Lord, out of all the children in the world, why did you have to allow this to my children?”
And for the first time in my life, I believe I heard God audibly respond, “I gave my ONE and ONLY Son…that’s how much I love you.” It was just like God was sitting in the passenger seat–let that sink in–I was in the driver’s seat. Now yes, I was driving the car, but I was also trying to drive my LIFE. At that moment, I had to take a long, hard look at my heart. And I had to surrender. It wouldn’t be the last time that I would have to do this, but I can say that after this conversation with God in my car, the subsequent conversations didn’t take as much time to resolve. I reached a point where I could trust God to do the very best with the ones we both love so much.
So, what kind of driver are you?