I Quit Writing

I quit writing. I reached a point in life that I just didn’t think what I had to say was really worth anyone’s time. My life isn’t so different from anyone else’s life. I work. I have a family. We struggle sometimes but generally, life is pretty ok. Sometimes really good, other times…not so good.

2020 seemed like it would be an awesome year. I am a Leap Year girl. 2020 is a Leap Year. I normally get so excited when my birthday “really” comes…in those Leap Years so many big things also usually happen like the Olympics and electing a President. I usually can keep track of history by my Leap Year birthdays. Trust me…I won’t forget 2020.

Winter in Alaska

We started the year traveling to Alaska. In the dead of Winter. When I say “dead of Winter” you need to imagine going to live in your freezer. The temperatures were between -20 and -40. I was SO COLD. We didn’t go on vacation. We went to help our nephew’s family while he was in the end stage of metastatic liver cancer. Sam was only 37.

Sam and Susanna – Christmas 2019

Sam and his youngest sister, Susanna, both battled cancers at the same time. For their ages, the cancers were extremely rare–Sam’s because he was so young to have that particular type of cancer and Susanna’s because her type was a juvenile cancer – and she was 30.

Early on, there seemed to be little hope that Susanna would beat her cancer. The diagnosis didn’t come until she was nearly dead. The life-saving surgery nearly killed her as well. Once she was able to begin chemo, THAT almost did her in.

Brother and Sister – Chemo Together

But remarkably, we arrived in Alaska and while we were there, she got her clean bill of health–cancer-free. We were so grateful. Thankful. We rejoiced. Hours later, her brother lost his earthly battle and went to his heavenly home–completely healed. He left behind his wife and four sons, his parents, two sisters and many cousins, aunts, uncles and friends.

The Whole Family – just a few days before Sam’s battle was over

We grieved the loss of Sam–we still do. We had hoped for the miracle that didn’t come, but we also knew that he had fought so hard. He gave the cancer every blow he could. He went to Mayo Clinic in Rochester, MN several times, but each time the news was worse. So we knew, that barring a miracle, he would be with his Savior. It was a painful reality but one that we were able to find comfort in the sorrow.

Beautiful “Quilted” Mug – Made by Susanna and given to me, a Quilter

My last Saturday in Alaska was spent shopping with Susanna. She was purchasing items for gift baskets that were going to 10 different medical teams that had all worked to save her life. It was the one year anniversary of her life-saving surgery. It was a very cold, celebratory day. We had dirty chai lattes and walked all over Anchorage looking for perfect gifts to include in the baskets. To be honest, I wasn’t sure I was up for traipsing around in the frigid temps, but we went and conquered. She was such a warrior.

My Warrior Niece

After spending the month of January up north, we returned home to the Midwest. We had just a few days before heading to Oklahoma for the wedding of another nephew. Happy days. And then I slipped on icy wet tile and broke my foot. I know. If you have read any other blog posts, or if you know me at all, you know this was the 4th fracture of the left foot. I was so done.

But you know how life goes…it wasn’t a bad fracture and it healed pretty easily (for which I was truly thankful). For 5 weeks I let my body “sit” and begin the emotional healing process. I suppose if I had not broken my foot, I would have been busy and distracted. Grief would have taken a back seat to everyday life. God was gently moving me and healing my hurt.

I took a quick trip to California for my niece’s baby shower. So wonderful. Such a time of blessing and joy for my sister’s daughter. It was a precious time to share with them. I started to move forward in the grief. I flew home and just continued moving forward.

My Niece at her shower

Just one week after I returned home, my husband’s phone rang in the middle of the night. He answered the phone to hear his sister trying to tell him something, but she was too distraught to get the words out. The line went dead. He called her back and her husband answered the phone. Susanna has been murdered by her estranged husband.

It still is almost impossible for me to grasp. The lively, vivacious, high-energy mother of two little ones was gone. The victim of a vicious attack of domestic violence. In one minute, her life was snuffed out.

My husband left on the first plane headed back to Alaska. He spent over three weeks helping–two little ones just three and four–left motherless in an instant. How do you even begin? How do you “help” a mother and father who have lost two children in less that two months? How do you begin to comfort someone who has lost her older brother and younger sister? So much sorrow.

But he did help. He hugged and loved. He read and cuddled. He walked and shared the grief with his sister, brother-in-law, niece and the widow of our nephew. He spent time with four boys who were missing their dad and now their aunt. Almost like Abraham, God said he should go and so he went.

I cannot begin to put into words how I coped while he was gone. COVID-19 happened. We were all shut up in our homes, isolated. What a horrible time to be kept away from my parents, my spiritual brothers and sisters at my church, my grandchildren, my friends.

I have never cried like I have since Susanna was killed. I still cry every day. It feels like the tears should have dried up by now, but no…they still flow from an insatiable fountain. But even in this deep sorrow, I have found comfort. I am reminded that I am not alone in my sorrow. I can be comforted knowing that there is One who knows my sorrow and is with me in it.

Let us, then, hold firmly to the faith we profess. For we have a great High Priest who has gone into the very presence of God—Jesus, the Son of God. Our High Priest is not one who cannot feel sympathy for our weaknesses. On the contrary, we have a High Priest who was tempted in every way that we are, but did not sin. Let us have confidence, then, and approach God’s throne, where there is grace. There we will receive mercy and find grace to help us just when we need it.

Hebrews 4:14-16 GNT

I am finding grace to help me–I need it. I can go into God’s very throne room whenever I need to. He is welcoming me with grace and mercy. Jesus, my High Priest, sympathizes with me in grief–and that gives me so much comfort and confidence as I trust Him to help me through the sorrow.

There is a song that I have heard and now have it written on my heart. It truly speaks my grief to music. And it also speaks comfort to my broken heart. If anyone is in need of comfort–it is there for you.

When you realize you are old…

I’ve written before about aging and my  middle “child” accusing me of wanting to look old. No, I don’t want to look old. I just want to look like the me who is me. I am no longer 25. I am no longer blonde. I actually like my glittery natural highlights. And quite frankly, to be honest, I no longer have the same body I had when I was young.

My current body is a true reflection of what age does…it breaks, or just breaks down. I have done both. When I broke my foot (the first time), I was only 48. But I broke it in a bunch of pieces that just didn’t want to heal. Then I broke it again. Enter the hardware to hold it together. Somehow, at 48 and 49, I didn’t bounce up or back like I might have when I was younger. But I tried.

A few years later, it was the ankle’s turn. Quite literally. Same limb, different joint. New boot. And now a SCOOTER! Woo hoo! The grandkids loved it. Nana had wheels!

I didn’t quite bounce back fully from that either. My gait changed because of the time spent walking in the boot and trying to avoid pain or falling. I didn’t seem to be able to shake the fear that I was going to fall again. And I seemed to find ways to fall again, without suffering new fractures. Yippee for me!

My current task is dealing with the arthritic back and a few big words that describe what is causing me so much pain when I walk.

Which brings me back to my purpose in writing this post in the first place. I know I am getting old. My body confirms it every. single. day. BUT in my heart, I feel like I am still 25…still learning and growing and becoming who I really am. Even though I have a body that betrays me, that part of me that makes me ME is still excited to learn and grow and become.

Are you just aging? Or are you pressing on toward the prize?

Philippians 3:12-14 (J.B. Phillips)

Yet, my brothers, I do not consider myself to have “arrived”, spiritually,
nor do I consider myself already perfect. But I keep going on,
grasping ever more firmly that purpose for which Christ grasped me.
My brothers, I do not consider myself to have fully grasped it even now.
But I do concentrate on this: I leave the past behind
and with hands outstretched to whatever lies ahead I go straight for the goal—
my reward the honour of being called by God in Christ.

Fur Babies

My husband and I have two dogs…Joe Bear and Dia. I used to be a cat person, but man…allergies developed into asthma and that was the end of me being a cat person. I still love them. Wish I could have a few. But I have this longing to breathe without a wheeze, soooo…no cats.

But Joe Bear and Dia are pretty great fur babies. I guess my big old Joe is about 100 years old in dog years. He is a 14 year old Newfidor–Newfoundland/Black Lab mix. Yes. He is old. Yes, he is big. And, yes, he sheds his undercoat twice each year. When I say it blows…it really does. He reminds me of the bison and buffalo with their fur hanging off their bodies.

Dia is crazy. She is a 7 year old Golden Cockeretriever…I know. I made that word up. While she is a very pretty dog, she is just a wee bit hyper still. She loves me but views just about everyone who comes to our house as a threat to me…

My big old boy has been failing for the last 2 years. These big dogs don’t usually live to be as old as he is, and we know that we will have to make that hard decision pretty soon. If it was just arthritis, that would be doable. Even his humongous cataracts aren’t a problem. But it seems that he has some kind of serious problem now that is causing him a lot of discomfort, like bad headaches. He presses his head against my leg and looks at me with a sad, puppy dog face. I massage his head, and eventually he seems to feel a little better, but I know that he is in pain. As I sit here writing this, he is hugging his head with his paws and I know he is hurting.

So here I sit, trying to decide how to know when it is unfair to keep him living through the pain. How do I know if I am doing the right thing? If I were failing, I wouldn’t want someone to put me down. I would want to fight to the end.

This is the struggle of today. Pretty soon, I am going to be bawling and wondering if I made the right decision and missing his sweet personality. My tender Bear. I don’t think I have the heart to go through this again.

snowfall joe

Joe Bear: Why’d you make me come inside???


Life Changes

I haven’t written in what seems like forever. I have gone MIA from the blog for a very long time.

Why? Truly, no good reasons, just life complicated with more life. Somewhere along the way, I just quit writing. I don’t think that was a good thing, either. Writing has a way of clarifying thoughts. Making sense of the non-sensical. Helping to understand the reality through a different mode of reasoning almost.

Superman and I have been living through some very challenging days, months, even years. We have spent nearly 36 years married to each other. That is pretty spectacular–at least I think it is! During the course of those 36 years, we have traveled into some very dark valleys of sorrow only to be lifted up to the heights of light and joy.

This past year has held it all. Some days, I have felt as though I was being held under water and couldn’t push my way to the surface. I found my strength to be so very weak. But then, in that fearful desperation, I felt my heavenly Father reach down and pull me to safety. Too many times I caught myself resting in my own strength rather than resting in HIM.

THAT  is the struggle. Day by day. Moment by moment. Trusting and resting in Him. Especially when you see no way out of the valley and the mountaintop is hidden from view. The mountain is still there. It’s just my view that is hampered.

I am so thankful when the Word of God touches me right where I need it…

2 Corinthians 4:15-18 (Phillips)

 We wish you could see how all this is working out for your benefit, and how the more grace God gives, the more thanksgiving will redound to his glory. This is the reason why we never collapse. The outward man does indeed suffer wear and tear, but every day the inward man receives fresh strength. These little troubles (which are really so transitory) are winning for us a permanent, glorious and solid reward out of all proportion to our pain. For we are looking all the time not at the visible things but at the invisible. The visible things are transitory: it is the invisible things that are really permanent.

2 Corinthians 4:15-18 (ESV)

For it is all for your sake, so that as grace extends to more and more people it may increase thanksgiving, to the glory of God.

So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal.

It is very hard for me to classify my trials as “little troubles” or “momentary affliction”–today these trials may feel as though they are absolutely insurmountable challenges that will push me back under. But if I step back and look at them through HIS eyes and with His lenses, then I see that they truly are light, little, momentary, transitory challenges.

For today, I am going to begin the day with an attempt to have His perspective. To see His plan and trust it. And these verses will be freshly in my heart as a ready encouragement if I begin to falter.


Do you ever struggle with you earth-bound view in light of an eternal perspective?

I hate snakes…

I have this terrible fear of snakes. It isn’t just a casual fear of snakes…it is more like a life and death fear.

When I was a little girl, I would have nightmares about snakes…if I would leave my arm dangling over the side of the bed, I would trigger a dream that a snake bit me and was holding onto my arm…or leg, depending on which limb wasn’t safely tucked under the blankets.

As I got older, my fear did not subside. I had never even seen a snake, except at the zoo. And worms didn’t bother me at all. Neither did spiders, bugs, mice, rats…Nothing but those evil, slithering reptiles.

My parents sent me to Southern California to attend college. I saw NO snakes.

I met my husband in college, we got married and then moved to the desert. Still no snakes.

Then we moved to the rainforest in Ecuador. We lived in the heart of the jungle…I saw no snakes. I was always on my guard, though. And other people saw them…but I never did, in all the four years we lived in that country. I admit that I was a reluctant river swimmer. When I swam in the ocean and was stung by jelly fish…no problem.

I remember when the movie, Anaconda, was released. I never saw it. When we watched Indiana Jones…I closed my eyes…No educational special features on snakes. Never.

In our previous home…I was confronted by two snakes. Of course, when I was home alone…I managed to sever their heads and defend my territory. You might think that I had, therefore, conquered my fear and moved on…HA!!!

Imagine my dismay when we moved out of the house and my husband informed me that he had found a snake IN MY SEWING THINGS INSIDE MY SEWING ROOM and never told me…How close had I come to grabbing a snake out of the box of fabric???

Those dreams are always just at the edge of my consciousness when I go to bed. And my house is at the edge of a creek with tall grasses and overgrowth…you know, perfect for all sorts of creepy crawlers. But in the six years we have lived here, I have been able to avoid the snakes…maybe it’s the dogs, or the many other types of wildlife we have living around us…

But yesterday, I saw a video of an amazingly horrifying LARGE snake…and I couldn’t tear my eyes away. I wanted to, desperately, but I just couldn’t do it.

As I watched the short clip, many different thoughts came and went. The Bible talks about snakes…even right off the bat in Genesis 3 when Satan deceives Eve and she eats of the forbidden tree then shares it with Adam. Part of the story is well-known and commonly referenced…the bad apple, forbidden fruit…but there is also a reference to Jesus Christ in what God says to the serpent as he is cursed…

“Because you have done this,
Cursed are you more than all cattle,
And more than every beast of the field;
On your belly you will go,
And dust you will eat
All the days of your life;
And I will put enmity
Between you and the woman,
And between your seed and her seed;
He shall bruise you on the head,
And you shall bruise him on the heel.”

Jesus is the descendant of the woman’s seed. This prophetic verse says that Jesus will bruise (fatally) the serpent on the head…and the serpent would bruise Jesus on the heel.

My dad used to tell a true story about an older woman who lived in the country alone. There were a lot of snakes on the property, so when she left her house, she carried a metal pipe with her. Often, she would return home to find a poisonous snake sunning himself on her concrete step. She would use her pipe and crush the snake’s head, killing it. Unless she crushed or severed its head, it would live and cause problems in its own defense. Even after it was dead, it took awhile for the snake to quit moving and twisting.

Jesus has already dealt Satan’s death blow…the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ was the beginning of the end of Satan…yet still that serpent writhes and twists…Another metaphor for Satan is as a toothless lion…roaring and trying to devour, yet with limited power.

The image of a writhing, headless snake has been almost like a caricature of biblical truth for me…and then a friend posted a video…beware…it is graphic but a wonderful picture of what the Bible states about the wounded serpent–

That snake in the video is dead. But it is still writhing, and it is still deadly. There will soon be an end to its ability to destroy life.

In the same way, there will also come a day when Satan will also stop writhing and no longer be able to destroy life.

Jesus, in His death brought life. He came to slay the destroyer.

I Peter 5:8
Be serious! Be alert! Your adversary the Devil is prowling around like a roaring lion, looking for anyone he can devour.


John 10:10

The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly.

John 3:16-18, 36

“For God loved the world in this way: He gave His One and Only Son, so that everyone who believes in Him will not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send His Son into the world that He might condemn the world, but that the world might be saved through Him. Anyone who believes in Him is not condemned, but anyone who does not believe is already condemned, because he has not believed in the name of the One and Only Son of God… The one who believes in the Son has eternal life, but the one who refuses to believe in the Son will not see life; instead, the wrath of God remains on him.

I still hate snakes. Dead or alive, I hate them. BUT I now have a pretty clear visual of what effect Satan has now, and what his power will become. I am so thankful that Jesus was victorious over the wound in His heel, and that my hope is now secured for eternity.

What are YOU afraid of?

Being Afraid…

I joke that I am old. It drives my middle child (who is 30) nuts. She says I want to look like I am fifty. I respond by saying I am 54, so what’s the big deal?

She hates that I don’t cover up my gray hair. I laugh and tell her it’s my glitter! My silver hairs were mostly earned because of her, and she knows it. And when I look at those streaks of silver, I am reminded of the lessons I have learned earning those stripes. Like military badges of honor, that is how I look at those graying hairs.

But the truth is that I am getting older and have arrived at that stage called middle age—and I wonder how did I get here? I can tell by some of my scars that it has been a rocky road at times. There are broken bones that didn’t heal well…stitches that left their marks…and there are eyes needing ever-increasing corrective lenses. My ears are not as good as they once were. All the aches and pains of life’s wear and tear…I feel them acutely. Predicting weather changes because of the pain in the joints or even headaches that come in advance of the storms are new skills that I would happily trade for a body that does not betray. And I think the reality of my visible evidence of aging is frightening for my daughter. She sees and understands the temporal lives we live. She knows that death is a very real part of life, and that makes her afraid.

Confronting our frailty is just one of the realities of life. We somehow float through decades of life, often unscathed. Then BAM. Age smacks you right between the eyes. But isn’t it funny that on the inside, I still feel like a kid. Young, running and swinging and jumping without a care. But that inward me is in conflict with the outward me. I think that is why I feel so betrayed by my body. To do all the silly things I did as a child without ever breaking ANYTHING…and now, walking down a hill slowly is a frightening exercise…will I fall? What’s going to break this time? I can tell you I do NOT like living in fear of breaking something. I don’t like living in fear of any kind at all. Fear robs me of strength and peace.

Yesterday, I had the special opportunity to visit with a dear friend I had not seen in over 10 years. In that time she became a mother to four little boys and I became a grandmother to 4, going on 5, grandchildren. As we caught up on our lives over the years since we last saw each other, it was interesting to realize what a place fear had held in each of our lives as we walked through some very dark periods.

The source of our fear was different, but how interesting that the solution to the fear was the same. During those times of overwhelming darkness, we found our solace in the word of God. She shared that with her second pregnancy (twins) and then with her fourth child, she struggled with pre-term contractions throughout the pregnancies. Her fear of premature labor was very real. And she did not like the effect fear was having in her life. To try to combat her fear, she looked up every passage she could find on fear. Many verses she committed to memory.

Then, when she was eight months pregnant, she and her husband were involved in a serious car accident. She suffered many broken bones and a punctured lung. She did not feel her baby move for hours. During those hours, she was comforted by the verses she had already studied on fear. She had a ready refuge of peace. She was in the hospital for a week then in a rehab facility for another week. When the time came to deliver her son, her leg was in a cast. (Can you imagine giving birth with a cast on your leg?) But she had all those verses treasured in her heart, bound to her memory and ready to draw on any time she needed their reassuring encouragement.

I told her about my own period of darkness. How my husband and I waited for a miracle. Or braced ourselves for devastating news. So many months of sleepless nights. I would awaken at 2 or 3 AM and all I could do was read my Bible…for hours…soaking in the peace and comfort written over and over. Seeing God’s faithfulness revealed time after time.  Those hours spent in the Word got me through each day, and then I  would repeat cycle again. Every day for many, many months.

My friend and I agreed that it was in those darkest hours, days, weeks and months that we experienced the greatest spiritual growth. Our problems were bigger than we were and we did not have the solution in our own strength. But God did, and true to His promises, He brought each of us a peace that passed our understanding. We didn’t pretend that we didn’t have fear. We acknowledged the fear and put it in its rightful place. Underneath the perfect love Christ freely gives us.

Today, she has four healthy boys. And she knows real peace.

Today I have the evidence of God’s hand at work in creating the miracle for which we prayed. And peace has replaced my fear.

Tell me, are you afraid? Can I offer you the Source of Peace?

I Peter 3:13-15

Who is there to harm you if you prove zealous for what is good? But even if you should suffer for the sake of righteousness, you are blessed. And do not fear their intimidation, and do not be troubledbut sanctify Christ as Lord in your hearts, always being ready to make a defense to everyone who asks you to give an account for the hope that is in you, yet with gentleness and reverence;


Ephesians 2:13-16

But now in Christ Jesus you who formerly were far off have been brought near by the blood of Christ. For He Himself is our peace, who made both groups into one and broke down the barrier of the dividing wall, by abolishing in His flesh the enmity… so that in Himself He might make the two into one new man, thus establishing peace,and might reconcile them both in one body to God through the cross…


Please Stand By…

Don’t you hate it when you experience technical difficulties? I do. Probably more because it reveals how easily annoyed I can be…by the most insignificant things.

Like…cleaning the bathroom thoroughly on a Saturday morning as a kid, only to have your dad come in and wash his hands after mowing the lawn and changing the oil in the car…Can you imagine? All the hard work, literally down the drain. You think I jest? Oh no, just ask my dad…

Or what about mopping your floors, getting a mirror-like shine and then have your dearly beloved children or grandchildren or most loved husband walk through with mucky shoes? No? Never happened? I believe you lie…

For me, the bigger annoyances are sitting down to write my post, that my readers are truly panting to read, only to be kicked off the internet. Over. And over. And over…

My need to save money is pretty deep. But my need for consistent internet access is deeper. So I fired my provider, and switched to a new provider. And you know what? I haven’t been kicked off all week. And I have been able to upload pictures SUPER FAST…So I am giving my blog a new try.

I had to make a sacrifice, though. Because I still had to save some money. So…I got rid of cable tv…No more extra channels. No more tv shopping…(yeah, never did those anyway)…no more DIY channels…Somehow, I think I will survive. Maybe.

Now I have a Roku device…Netflix, HuluPlus, Pandora…and a bunch of “channels” I have yet to explore. And you know what? I didn’t turn on the tv for viewing at all for a few days…I chose to just to listen to my purely customized radio stations on Pandora. I missed watching the FIFA World Cup, but…honestly I think we will manage JUST FINE without those channels. After all, I can catch up on Monarch of the Glen…or the English version of Sherlock…all those old movies…

But all those internet problems did get me thinking about technical difficulties, bad connections and other things that can frustrate us, and it made me think about what happens when I don’t have a clear connection in my relationships. If you have ever experienced technical problems, you probably checked the cables to assure that they were properly connected. You also probably checked the batteries, or the power button or a host of other possibilities. And then you checked the manual or called customer service to speak with an “expert” to “troubleshoot.” (I always like the “check to make sure the power is on” tip.)

So if my relationship with God is not what it should be, where do I turn? Interesting that there is an expert and a manual to address the problems I  experience. I can almost always connect my problems in my spiritual life to a common source…Me. I may ignore the relationship, perhaps I do not feed it a healthy diet, or maybe I have covered up sin rather than confess it…Basically, I disconnect myself from the Source.

It’s not that God abandons ME, but rather I abandon Him. I live my life unplugged (NOT like music) and do things on my own power rather than relying on His power. He offers me a static-free, always ON connection to an endless and abundant source. So why do I fail to use that Source? Why, after so many examples and assurances of His presence and faithfulness do I so easily forget? I do not have an answer to the question that is revolutionary. But, when I am withdrawn and cold, I know that it is worth checking on how secure my connection is to avoid more connectivity issues. And that means getting in an uncomfortable position…on my knees.

Tell me, are YOU plugged in securely to the true Source of life?

I Peter 1:3-9 (ESV)

Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! According to his great mercy, he has caused us to be born again to a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, to an inheritance that is imperishable, undefiled, and unfading, kept in heaven for you, who by God’s power are being guarded through faith for a salvation ready to be revealed in the last time.  

In this you rejoice, though now for a little while, if necessary, you have been grieved by various trials,  so that the tested genuineness of your faith—more precious than gold that perishes though it is tested by fire—may be found to result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ. Though you have not seen him, you love him. Though you do not now see him, you believe in him and rejoice with joy that is inexpressible and filled with glory, obtaining the outcome of your faith, the salvation of your souls.


When your heart is broken in a million pieces…

I write about life, usually from a variety of different angles, because that is how I view life. Life is not flat…it is dimensional in every way. Nothing is truly just superficial.

There are close family members and friends who are just like family who have gone through some of life’s most anguishing struggles.

I have grieved as I have watched drugs assault and destroy the hope and promise of a much loved young man. A young man who “seems” to have so much to live for, yet who has found his drug of choice to reduce his own mental anguish. It isn’t just this young man who is suffering from his addiction, but his parents, siblings, extended family and friends. That addiction has been a never-ending, runaway roller coaster ride for a very long time…The “answers” man offers up just don’t address what is truly an issue of the heart…

Depression and suicide have recently devastated the lives of two different families…tell me, what words would you offer to the grieving parents? Brothers and sisters? Sons and daughters? Would you know what to say to someone whose heart just burst into a million, tiny, jagged pieces?

I am full of words, but I had none to offer.

A friend, who is more like a daughter, has been struggling through her father’s cancers…not just one, but two different kinds, simultaneously. And now, she finds that her husband has a brain tumor…At some point, I think we just silently lift our longing eyes to heaven because we no longer can find the words we need to pray effectively. That is when the Spirit takes our heart’s groanings and translates them into prayers…

Then there are those things that we cannot talk about…those hurts that we have in common with others, but are not ours to share. The “confidential” ones…you know, when we put on that brave face and cover up our pain because…well just because we can’t talk about it.

We tend to be masters of disguise…burying things so deeply because we want to be “strong”. Ha. We are not strong. Our very breath is a gift of that moment…we have no promises of a future breath.

How often do we TRULY look at life within the understanding of the scope of its temporal and temporary confines? And then, do we step back and simply gaze at the unfathomable eternity and still stand amazed in spite of the anguish of these earthly lives filled with earthly struggles?

That is what I am doing today…trying to see beyond the temporal and the temporary…for that glimpse of future Glory…

Psalm 73:1-2, 21-28

New American Standard Bible (NASB)

Surely God is good to Israel,
To those who are pure in heart!
But as for me, my feet came close to stumbling,
My steps had almost slipped…

When my heart was embittered
And I was pierced within,
Then I was senseless and ignorant;
I was like a beast before You.
Nevertheless I am continually with You;
You have taken hold of my right hand.
With Your counsel You will guide me,
And afterward receive me to glory.

Whom have I in heaven but You?
And besides You, I desire nothing on earth.
My flesh and my heart may fail,
But God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.
For, behold, those who are far from You will perish;
You have destroyed all those who are unfaithful to You.
But as for me, the nearness of God is my good;
I have made the Lord God my refuge,
That I may tell of all Your works.

Leaps and Bounds

My dear friend, on an incredible journey, shares the most recent update on her husband. It is amazing to see the way God moves in and through our lives. So thankful!


Our days continue to get better in increments. Sometimes the increments are very big. Sometimes very small. But the trend is an upward one and for that, we are thankful.  Heath starts occupational therapy today and he actually wondered aloud this morning if he really needs it. His clarity of thought has improved tremendously, but there are still some deficits, especially with language processing. He’s also struggling a bit with critical thinking, so these will be areas that the therapist will work with him…I hope.  


His medication schedule is also getting a whole lot easier to manage. He’s off of pain medicine completely. I’m astonished by this. Being free from pain and the medications to address it mean he’s been able to stop a couple other medicines, too, which were prescribed to counteract the side effects of the pain meds. Those of who who have taken narcotics for…

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